Welcome to the Ways We Are Lost Blog.
For the past few months, specifically after graduating with my Masters degree, I have felt lost. Helpless. Unsure.
This is unusual for me. As long as I can remember, I’ve felt as though I had a clear idea of where I was going in life. What I’d be doing. Now I’m 25, struggling to find work, and trying to keep the writing going post-MFA.
Sure, there would be times of uncertainty, but it wasn’t long before something excited me, some prospect, some Grand Idea of where I Wanted To Be. Now, I have absolutely no clue. There are still goals I hold onto. Publish my manuscript. Keep writing. Etc. But writing can be done anywhere, and I don’t exactly like where I’m living, but I don’t know where else to go. In the back of my mind, my mother’s voice says, “If you don’t know where to go, stay where you are.” And, however much I loath the idea of staying in this place, I simply must wait. And listen. And allow myself to be lost.
I don’t like this. It’s uncomfortable. I panic. Acceptance is hard for me when I have no idea what’s going to happen next.
But do we ever know what’s going to happen next?
The idea for this blog came, oddly enough, today, after talking to a friend. He was helping me brainstorm about what I wanted now, in life. PhD? Maybe. Travel to the West and write about a Spiritual Journey? Maybe.
But I can’t! I heard myself pronounce.
Why? He said.
Because something is telling me I just have to hold on a bit longer. Wait and see what happens.
What do you think is going to happen? He said.
I don’t know. Maybe my book will be picked up by the contests I’m submitting it to. Maybe something is keeping me here, and I just don’t know what that something is.
Then why do you sound so upset? He said.
Because I feel like I should KNOW. Because it feels like, all my life, I’ve been carried by the metaphorical eagle along a path, even if I didn’t know where exactly the path was leading. But NOW, the eagle has dropped me in the middle of a forest and I see now way out. No idea of what to do.
So why not allow yourself to feel lost? Write about the many Ways We Are Lost.
Thus the birth of this blog. And I plan on writing about the different ways many of us may feel lost from time to time in life. Psychologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Definition of Lost:
At every moment of my life there open before me divers possibilities: I can do this or that. If I do this, I shall be A the moment after; if I do that, I shall be B […] But man is the entity that makes itself, an entity which traditional ontology only stumbled upon precisely as its course was drawing to a close, and which it in consequence gave up the attempt to understand: the causa sui. With this difference, that the causa sui had only to “exert itself” in being the cause of itself and not in determining what self it was going to cause. It had, to begin with, a self previously determined and invariable, consistent, for example, to infinity.But man must not only make himself: the weightiest thing he has to do is to determine what he is going to be. He is causa sui to the second power.