OK. Today I have a new idea of lost. LOST ON THE INTERNET.
I had grand ideas about what I would accomplish today, and only one was successfully fulfilled: workout at the gym.
Other than that, I was lost on the internet.
For a few hours, I wrote on the wall using the insides of fish that I procured from the supermarket while wandering aimlessly down the street. I thought, Yes, I will purchase fish and then take them apart so as to cover my walls with their insides in an attempt at recreating some sort of ritual.
But then I woke up and realized that in fact, I was merely surfing Wikipedia, reading about How to Gut a Fish because I am obsessed with the idea and have written about it in quite a few poems.
I did not walk aimlessly down the street and visit a supermarket. And I did not spread fish guts onto my walls.
But the mind-trip took a few hours of my time.
I read a bit of poetry. But then I got angry that I was tired and couldn’t think of anything Universally Profound and Inspiring to translate onto the page like said poet that I was reading.
My brain said, No, I’m tired. Can we read random Wikipedia articles instead?
But I was angry after reading about fish gutting and moved onto how to dress a dear, which I have also written about in the past.
And this reminded me of reading a Field Guide published in 1934 that my mother has somewhere in our house, back during Christmas vacation. And, I remembered that, in fact, I had the strange feeling that when I returned from Christmas vacation, my heart would very much look like the diagram of the gutted dear in said Field Guide because, my boyfriend was probably going to break up with me.
I was correct. Call me a prophet.
This trip down memory lane angered me further, so I decided to read my Aura Girl manuscript that has now accumulated 150 pages. I figured, perhaps, if I read through it a couple times I might know where to go next. I might be inspired to write more.
Instead, the reading provided me with further insight into my prophetic abilities.
Within the manuscript, I recognized a slight autobiographical slant in one of the sections where I discuss a dream I had about a person. This person has since lived up to the monster of the dream and my subconscious was warning me all along. The problem with modern-day prophecy is that one doesn’t realize it until after the fact. Unless one is highly evolved. But being highly evolved involves not wasting hours on mindless tasks in Internet Land.
This angered me further, so I decided to check facebook. For 4 hours.
I said to my brain, Brain, what are you doing?
Great, well, I am lost along with you in the senselessness that is today.
Good, said my brain. And what usually happens after one is lost?
One is found, supposedly.
Yes, said my brain. Until one is lost again and thus the cycle is repeated. Now, can we go back to Wikipedia? I want to see if I remember all of King Henry the 8th’s wives.