I forgot to write a blog for my Manifest Monday idea. Please excuse this post for not being as artistically crafted as ones in the past.
My last post about my basic trust idea keeps following me around like a light bulb on a string over my head. All I have to do is look, or touch, the light and the warmth just appears. It is this warmth that shields me from any negative thought. I do not ignore the negative thoughts, though, because to deny our weaknesses is to only feed them a steak dinner and send them off to karate training–they grow stronger and more capable to fight us the next go ’round.
As anyone who is my friend on instagram or Facebook knows, I am training for a half marathon in Austin in February and I have decided to do a full marathon in either November 2016 in NYC or somewhere else a year from now. People always ask if I was a runner before–not technically, but running has always been my way of meditation and went hand-in-hand with my work. Now, running helps me to manifest whatever original Source-Power inside me that has been dampened or held back for various reasons or due to different traumatic of abusive experiences. It also, obviously, helps me chisel away at the rock until the woman that I envision in my mind appears–the confident, healthy body that I have in my mind, that I had once upon a time before other such things got in the way and tried to steal my power.
I wrote a blog earlier this year–I believe in April–about this chipping away but I probably made it private as it explores my various ways of “exploring” this outlet as a younger 20-someting, pre-New York, but post-undergrad. Tonight was a similar experience.
Jen Dranttel-Canepa took a protest poem I wrote for the journal: Thank You For Swallowing called “I Ate What You Could Have Done to Me”, and has begun making laser cuts in lace to put together lingerie. I found this very inspiring and empowering. Tonight I manifest something that I have been missing for a very long time.
Intimacy is a varied light, shifting and moving. It comes to you if you will it, and in whatever form you want it to come in. Ha.
This was something that has been missing in my life since, well, pre-marriage, pre-divorce, baby and what all else “pre” you could think of within the span of several years. So, I walked over to my lingerie drawer that hold many pieces that were meant for other times in my life and were NEVER used. I was afraid they wouldn’t fit. Didn’t I just lose close to 50 pounds? But wasn’t that from my former “fat” self? When I was in New York, I was so very skinny. I even had an outfit from those days.
Guess what? I put some Demi Lovato on (don’t judge–she’s my new Spirit Animal while running) and tried them ALL on. And guess what? They ALL looked damn good.
And guess what? This is enough–more than enough–more than I have had in probably 6 years. And to admit that is very, very depressing if you look at it one way–but if you look at it another way, it is so very beautiful because I have gone through a whirlwind and come out healthier, stronger, more in-touch with my Higher Self and more confident that absolutely nothing in this world is too hard to climb up atop the mountain for. I will dedicate my life to that, and in turn, life will respond with YES YES YES and GIFT GIFT GIFT!
I want everyone to know this. I want everyone to realize that this one life is a lover–a true, honest, fabulous lover. You are enough.
Below is the picture of the lace cutting that inspired both my actions and my post tonight and the two poems I also wrote (while wearing said lingerie).
Also, a link to the original poem.
Additionally, did I mention my FULL-LENGTH manuscript is a semi-finalist for PUBLICATION at SUNDRESS PUBLICATION? The fact that this manuscript made it this far is just astonishing. Let me tell you: I wrote / worked on / compiled / edited (with help from Sandi Marchetti) during this arch of my life: ending of one abusive/manipulative relationship and hence going into another one of the same nature all while death / engagement / wedding / pregnancy / birth / cheating / separation / divorce was happening. SO, if I can write through a MS with that going on in my life, (all packed within a 3 year time period), then YOU CAN DO ALL THE THINGS you want to do! It just takes prayer/will power/love.
Even if that just needs to be looking in the mirror and loving the body your spirit lives in, finally, and loving that spirit, too.
This Spirit is all you have. I do promise that. And you’re worth loving.
By Jen Dranttel-Canepa inspired by my poem posted on THANK YOU FOR SWALLOWING called “I Ate What You Could Have Done to Me”