Last night, I was sitting on my patio while my dogs barked at walkers passing by. It was getting to be dark and I had my porch light on. I kept seeing a shadow on the patio fence across from me. At first I thought it was a shadow of a leaf, though it moved like a spider, but larger. It looked so real, I had to cautiously go up to the fence to check it out. It was definitely a shadow.
I sat back down on my bench and, looking to my right, I saw what was, in fact, a spider, building her web directly in front of my porch light, attaching its ends to the light-post and a tree branch. At first, I wanted to find something to tear it down. I kept looking at the spider hard at work, studied her body and movements. I sat back down, thinking, Well, if she’s not a dangerous spider then maybe I won’t. She was, after all, making a beautiful pattern. I googled common spiders in west Texas. I deduced that she was probably an orb weaver. Checking her web again, I sighed with relief that her web was a perfect circle and not chaotic, like one that a more dangerous spider weaves.
I continued to watch as she spun more and more lines. I blew a little air on it and saw her sway and clench up. Then I felt bad for disrupting her creative process.
When I came back inside, I looked up Spider Symbolism. I have done this before in the past when spiders frequented my dreams, recalling something about female power and creativity. So, taking this as a good sign, continued to read.
Part of being awake is noticing the physical world. Do I think some divine power placed the spider on my patio to “communicate” to me. No, I think nature has lives that are not at all interested in ours. But, I do think that I can choose to recognize the power of symbolism–my spiritual projection, as you will. I don’t see anything wrong with this, as our minds are constantly at work processing the world around us in order to make sense of our inner landscape.
This is what I wrote later in my journal, quoting what I had read:
Spiders allow the individual to assimilate negative experiences and use them for gain.”
Eight legs = 8 = infinity
Spiders appearance can represent one’s fear. When she arrives, it is time to confront one’s phobias.
What are my fears? Lack of control. Not finding a life partner. Financial security.
The lesson of the spider is maintaining balance–between past and future, male and female, spiritual and physical.
I just wrote about how I am trying to find all of the above.
Questions to ponder when spider appears:
*Are you weaving your dreams into reality?
* Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered?
Yes, moving but still shaky, often scattered if I don’t stay aware.
*Are you becoming too involved or self-absorbed?
It’s a balance I am working out–how to seek a spiritual path without becoming self-absorbed.
*Are you focusing on others accomplishments and not your own?
Comparison is very hard for me, I admit, especially with Facebook lives that people portray. But this is what I am working on: staying grounded in my gratitude. I am very lucky to be given all the gifts I have received.
Do you need to write and are not following through?
Yes. I need to be more disciplined. But I am following through now more than ever!
Are you developing resentment because of the above?
I have taken great care to admit that I have felt harsh resentment in the past, whether that be because of a relationship or my own laziness that was the cause. But, especially after having a child, I realize A) A life not lived is a life not worth writing about and B) It is no one’s responsibility but my own to make my work happen.
Tonight, I went out there again to check on the spider. The central portion of her web was cleared out–by wind or something, I do not know. But there she was, working away to repair it. This morning I also went to check on her, but she was nowhere to be found. Orb weavers are nocturnal, I have learned.
Just went to look at her progress, and the central part is now rebuilt. She keeps going because she needs to eat. It is in her makeup to keep going, keep creating, no matter if the center has been torn away. How physical is this service. There is no thinking to be done, and no honor to be had. She keeps going without any assurance that it will all be worth it. She works, and she expects the meal to come to her. She expects, and waits.
I picked up a small book at Amazon the other day. It is called 365 Ways to Live the Law of Attraction. One must train the thoughts to expect the good, to do the work it takes to know what we desire and to unpack those desires to see if they are for our benefit. Training our thoughts to dwell on the good, and throw away the junk. As Jesus said “What you ask, you shall receive.” Your thoughts become your reality, etc.
Today, I did not eat consciously. I talked negatively about people. But, I stopped, noticed what I was doing, and banished it from my mind. No matter what form the negativity takes, even if it is warranted, it is still clouding up my energy. It is still doing my entire being a disservice to waste such low frequency, And besides, there’s a reason behind every action. I don’t want to judge. But I am human. The least I can do is become aware, and try again next time.
My web cannot be built efficiently otherwise. And I expect, if I keep working, all good things will come in time.
I will leave the Orb Weaver alone and let her live.